Yeah, the title is what it is. We all have them, admit it. What do you consider yourself? A good parent, a bad parent, a clueless parent who parents on the seat of their pants, or a good parent who is always in need of a little work. That last one right there, that’s me.
People that know me (mostly family) tell me I’m a good parent. What they don’t know is my brain is constantly at work. Wondering if this form of discipline worked, if that talk was even worth it. Does she actually think I’m at least somewhat cool? I’m taking pages out of my mother’s book of parenting – should I be? I know my form of parenting is different but damnit it works…. Then there’s the end all be all. Am I balancing disciplinarian, loving mother, and cool friend well enough?
I suppose if I wasn’t a lovng, devoted parent I wouldn’t have those questions bouncing around in my head all the time. I take comfort in that.
Well now there are new questions up there waiting to drive the one nerve I have left at the end of the day insane.
So here we are 36 weeks into pregnancy with Baby Dude. He’s a DUDE! Yeah I’ve tutored boys before, mentored a few, babysat some older ones. but… I don’t know anything about RAISING A DUDE! I have a teenage godsister, have helped my mother on numerous occasions with my 7 year old cousin to whom she is a guardian. I helped potty train him, in fact I was one of his first teachers, was there to help teach him right from wrong…everyday stuff.
So what’s the issue? With him there was always Mommy to back me up. Now, here I am with a Baby Dude of my own. Thoughts like he needs to learn how to respect women, how to be gentleman in general, how not to let society swallow him, being you is perfectly ok, are on the forefront. Teaching a girl that is easy when you are that confident woman who loves being a geeky black girl who who didn’t care about fitting in with black kids, that loves music of all genres, has designed websites and would love to learn programming. and would on top of it love to tell society and their dumb ass stereotypes to , well, kiss it. How do you teach a boy to be his own man?
Other thoughts that keep circulating. OMG! Two kids??? Me raise them at the same time??? While homeshooling? With a newborn? Teaching an only child to respect and love her brother while being a helper and teacher to him?
That doesn’t sound very easy. Especially considering I was 14 when my godsister was born. I loved having her around. Finally, someone for my parents to focus on other than me ALL the time. My relationship with her over the years has consisted of being loving big sister, surrogate parent, teacher, friend, playmate, confidant. To me that was easy.
I suppose I should tackle my parenting fears with my usual confidence, that includes making adjustments on the fly. I’ve always been accepting of change and willing to work with something different. A huge change is on the horizon. Hopefully I can make look semi-graceful without falling on my face.